Not many know my story and I figure it’s time I speak out. I am a 23 year old female who has grown up in a fatherless nation. Fatherless because the courts have ruled that the majority of fathers are unfit to be parents and that women should teach girls how to be women and boys how to be men. This has been the verdict for the last 3 generations and this verdict has done nothing but fail the American people. Money doesn’t make a difference; child support is putting a dollar amount on a child’s head. You are letting them know they don’t have infinite worth, but that they have a finite worth. I will not get into all the politics of the courts and what needs to be done for reformation of the system, instead I will tell you my journey as a girl blossoming into a young woman in a Fatherless Nation.
My dad is a good man and holds a position of authority and high rank in the US Army and my mother owns her own business. I did not come from a broken home or an impoverished home. I came from wealth and fortune and a house full of religion and strict morals; however that wasn’t enough to protect me from the harsh reality of an outside world. A world full of tragedy, addiction, and hatred. My parents did not shelter me, but they did want to protect me from unnecessary pain. Unfortunately, quite the opposite happened. In my early teens, I was molested by my cousin. My cousin came from a broken home; his mother and step-father physically and sexually abused him. He rarely saw his dad and my side of the family… (the family that loved him) because his mother lied saying his father beat her. She won in court and for most of his life he was taught love was to be raped, fondled by old men and women, and to be beat on. He then transferred that “love” to me. He raped me with inanimate objects, he gagged me, and beat me. This was my first encounter with a Fatherless Nation.
I have since seen him in my adult life and he collapsed in front of me and cried and begged for forgiveness. I told him all was well and to live a healthy life. Many ask why or how was I even able to forgive him. From the time he was a toddler into his early adulthood, he was raped and beaten. If anyone was a victim in our situation, it was him. The courts did him a huge disservice. They placed him with his mother and step-father who showed him nothing but evil. Rarely was he around my family and when he was it was only for a few hours and then several months to a year or two years would go by before we would see him again. He was a product of a Fatherless Nation and he was taught to beat, rape, and torture as a sign of love.
After my first encounter I started to act out by using lots of drugs and drinking. I started to hang around the wrong crowd and then began associating with many gang members. I was desperate to feel loved and wanted. My parents ,not knowing the true reason for my rebellious behavior, disapproved of everything I did, which drove me further into gangs and violence. I began to dating another gang member. My parents were not having it and did their best to break us up, but we all know how 16 year old girls are; incorrigible. I became more and more violent. I was getting kicked out of school for fighting, and I wasn’t fighting with girls, I was getting into it with the guys. I was desperate to show my dominance over them and they were desperate to dominate me; another symptom of a Fatherless Nation. I knew no bounds, but I did learn quickly: the more violent I became, the more power I would gain. Finally it got to the point that every time I left the house, my mother would strip search me for weapons before I was allowed to re-enter. My parents had caught me on four other occasions with firearms under my bed. It became too much for my parents. They had a toddler and an infant in the house and I was too much of a safety hazard, so they kicked me out in hopes that I would wise up. That wasn’t the case. At 16, not only was I dealing drugs and committing crimes and violent beyond belief, I was a prostitute. I was a young white female in a black and Hispanic community, to say the least they made a fortune off of me. Gangs and violence are a huge factor of a violent nation. My generation’s fathers, grandfathers and great grandfathers were all products of a Fatherless Nation. In a gang, you got the “love”, attention, and respect that you didn’t get at home. You had “Father figures” in your cliques and you had protection. All these false idealistic settings because the court said that women can make boys into men.
As a whore, I knew my job and I knew it well. I learned quickly the dos and don’ts of the trade. I was treated better than many of the girls, but that didn’t mean I went unscathed. Rape became normal, beatings were expected, and being spoken to like I was trash was just part of the normal wear and tear of daily life. I was property and I was to be used to whatever suited the needs of my pimp. My pimp didn’t know anything different because his father did the same to his mother and his mother was left to raise him and she did not teach him to respect women, she didn’t even teach him to respect himself enough that he should go to school and do something better with his life. What she did teach him was how to cheat the system, use drugs, steal, beat women and treat them like property. That’s how she was taught by her mother because the court didn’t allow for her father to show her what a real man was like. This man was a product of a Fatherless Nation and I suffered severe consequences from his upbringing in a Fatherless Nation.
Finally at 18, I got the help I needed and joined the military. As time has gone on I have found myself in and out of many abusive relationships and I have tripped up many times reverting back to old behaviors. I have been taught by a Fatherless Nation that my beauty is my end all be all and without it I am nothing and with it I’m not worth much more than a one night stand. A price was put on my head: $500.00. My life is only worth $500.00 in a Fatherless Nation. I am not even worth the price of a house, a car, a purebred dog; animals cost more than me. I was lower than an animal and I was made very well aware of this by adult boys who grew up in a Fatherless Nation. They say “If girls acted like Women, boys would act like Men.” I have to seriously question that… no matter how I act, if a boy isn’t taught how to be a man by another man then he will never be a man no matter how much of a woman I am.
In a Fatherless Nation, many females are faced with so much confusion. We are supposed to be women, but yet we are supposed to be men. We are to take on the roles of men in the house, at work, and in our communities. How confusing can that be? Am I a man? Am I a woman? Am I someone’s property? Taking on the responsibilities of a male is exhausting and detrimental to any woman’s mental health. Men have a place in our society; their place is as fathers, as protectors.
As a young female growing up in a Fatherless Nation, I am always faced with: Who am I? What’s my role? Am I supposed to act like a man? Am I a woman? Am I property? Where do I belong? Until the day Family Court allows men to be dads and the boundaries are set, I along with many others will be like the little bird Dr. Seuss wrote about asking everyone and everything “Are you my mother?” Searching desperately, wondering where exactly I fit in this society… but if Fathers don’t fit then maybe I don’t fit either.
Author: Ari D.